Whether you were expecting it or not, a pregnancy is a shocking, life-changing event. All of us could use someone to help guide us through. But what happens when you’re the first one in your friend group to get pregnant?
Being the first friend to get pregnant can be intimidating. You wonder how your friends will react to your news, how your friendships may change, or who you’ll go to for advice.
At The Pregnancy Network, we know what it’s like to walk through a pregnancy alone– and we can help you avoid that. We’re here to equip you with resources, medical services, and a community of support. Here are four tips to help if you’re the first friend to get pregnant.
1. Get excited when you share your pregnancy news– your friends will match your energy.
Anyone who’s been pregnant knows the whirlwind of emotions that come from a positive pregnancy test, but your friends don’t. That’s okay! Give them a starting point. Share how excited you are for this baby, and how you can’t wait for them to be the best aunties ever. You can set the tone, and hopefully they’ll follow suit!
2. Set the expectation for how your friendship may change going forward.
Your friends may be wondering if you’ll change as you become a mom, and the truth is, you will! The things you enjoy doing, the amount of free time you have, and even your finances may play a role in the shift in activities you participate in post-pregnancy. Talk with your friends about it. Tell your friends how much they mean to you and how you want to prioritize the friendship moving forward. Share with them that you don’t know what the journey of pregnancy and parenthood will bring, but you hope they’ll be along for the ride.
Quick tip: Give your friends permission to tell you if they miss you, and ask them for permission to tell them if they feel left out. Having this conversation beforehand will ease some of the tensions that come with transitions in life stages. They may feel like they never see you anymore, and you may feel like you don’t get invited to things that suit your lifestyle. Talk about it. Offer to schedule a FaceTime call or propose a baby-friendly activity. True friendships make it through the ups and downs that life brings.
3. Build friendships with other moms.
While it is so important to keep and cherish your friends who don’t have kids yet, it is helpful to have friends in the same season of life who understand what you’re going through. If you’re looking for a way to make mom friends, The Pregnancy Network’s classes and Connect program are a great way to start! We offer a class on Early Pregnancy, a Pregnancy 101 class, and a Parenting 101 class. Connect offers monthly gatherings for moms to get together, as well as one-on-one meetups with women in our community. Triad Moms on Main also has a directory for local Mommy and Me groups that meet around the Triad.
As one of the women we served shared, “You have nothing to lose!” Maybe you’ll gain a mom friend to do life with for years to come.
4. Utilize secondhand shopping options.
After your baby shower or after your baby arrives, there’s bound to be a few things you still need to snag. Being the first mom in your friend group means you don’t get the privilege of hand-me-downs, but it doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from shopping secondhand! Facebook Marketplace and Buy Nothing groups allow you to get gently used baby gear and clothes discounted or for free. Triad Moms on Main also keeps an up-to-date directory of local consignment sales.
Another great way to get free baby gear is to participate in The Pregnancy Network’s Pregnancy 101 and Parenting 101 classes. Not only will you learn about baby care, pregnancy, and postpartum, but you’ll receive free gifts like car seats, baby clothes and diapers just for showing up. It’s a win-win!
Quick tip: Wait until your baby arrives to grab some of those last-minute items. Babies have preferences, and sometimes what you thought would be a must-have is a don’t-need!
We’re here for you.
It’s no secret that being the first one in your friend group to have a baby is hard. You’re allowed to grieve the experience of having built-in mom friends or even just someone to turn to for advice. Pregnancy can be difficult, and not having the comfort of your friends understanding first-hand what you’re going through is hard. But we hope these tips make your journey a little easier; you’re paving the way for your friends in the future!
Chloe Belk
Chloe Belk is a Communications Coordinator at The Pregnancy Network.