Those two pink lines were just a distant memory.
I found out I was expecting the same day I lost her.
I didn’t know I was pregnant before I started miscarrying.
I thought after the first trimester everything would be okay, but we lost him at 20 weeks.
Pain you wouldn’t wish on anyone – the pain of losing a child– isn’t a distant reality. 1 in 4 women will be affected by pregnancy or infant loss in their lifetime. The women you work with, the women you encounter at the grocery store, the women in your church pews – this pain weaves a quarter of them together, yet so many walk through it alone.
We asked women what was or would’ve been helpful as they grieved the loss of their little ones. Here are five ways to care for the woman in your life experiencing loss:
Make her a care package.
Create a care package full of her favorite goodies: gift cards to her favorite restaurants, a coffee from her favorite place, or a yummy-smelling candle. Throw some practical items in, like electrolyte drinks, soft pajamas, or calming lotion to help her as she heals. Your friend will know you’re thinking of her.
Sit with her.
Never underestimate the power of just being there. Offer to sit with her as she processes, watches TV, or cries. If she has littles at home, offer to watch them so she can have time to herself. There are so many ways you can be a source of comfort by showing up.
Remind her she’s a mom who lost her baby.
One of the hardest things about pregnancy loss is the loss seems invisible. Unless you share your experience with others, those around you may not know the grief you’re experiencing. It can seem like the world is going on without you. Remind your friend that even though her child may not have lived very long, her loss is no less painful. Tell her you’ll always remember her child with her. It may mean more to her than you know.
Make her a meal.
Not only is your friend grieving, but she’s also recovering physically. Making her and her family a nutritious meal can help her body heal; making a comfort meal can bring her joy. Plus, preparing a meal gives her one less thing to worry about. This is especially helpful for moms with other children.
Gift her a devotional.
Everyone processes grief differently. Giving your friend an outlet to put pen to paper and relate to someone who’s experienced loss can be invaluable. Sarah Philpott’s Loved Baby devotional makes a wonderful gift for someone experiencing loss.
For another resource from Sarah Philpott, share The Pregnancy Network’s The Empowered Advocate podcast episode discussing The Pain of Pregnancy Loss.
You’ve Got This
It can be difficult to know what to say or do when caring for a grieving friend. We hope these ideas empower you to care for your friend with confidence.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. For more resources, check out our blogs from previous years.