Pregnant as a teenager, it seemed as if DeVanuia had no choice but abortion. She shared an honest look at her experience with us – how the choice to have abortions affected her life, and how she was able to find healing in the place she least expected it.
This is her story.
My name’s DeVanuia. I’m sixty years old. I’m married, happily married. And I had an abortion when I was 16, actually I was 15. My mom knew I was pregnant before I did, and so she took me. And I didn’t really have a say in the matter. I mean, I was just like, I didn’t even really know I was pregnant.
She just put me in the car, and here we went. Roe V. Wade had just been passed the year before, so this was 1974. And it wasn’t very long after that, that I started drinking and I started drugging, and I couldn’ get enough. And also, the guy that got me pregnant started physically abusing me and I allowed it.
And I honestly think that I did that because unconsciously I didn’t have any self worth, because of what I had done. Abortion became my form of birth control, so I didn’t have just one. I was really on the most self-destructive course ever.
I got clean and sober, and met a really good man and we got married. We got pregnant and I was so excited, I was finally going to have that baby. And I told my doctor, “You know, I’ve had these abortions and I’ve heard that can weaken you and you cannot carry to term.”
And he said, “Well, you would have to lose the baby first to make that true.” Well guess what, I lost my baby. I was almost seven months pregnant, and my cervix ruptured and she was stillborn a few weeks later.
And so that was another death on my conscience. Because it was a direct result of actions I had taken younger in life. But another one of the consequences was just never sleeping well. I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would just have this impending doom – and I just never knew why. And there’s no other way to describe it, except just horrible guilt and shame. It was unbearable really.
Shockingly, the Christians in my life have supported me.You know, the people in my church that I was terrified to find out, have loved me and loved on me through this.
What healed me was God. That’s what ultimately healed me, was Jesus. Going through the recovery program that I went through is what helped me realize that He was, that His blood was sufficient for all. Even mine. I think I just finally realized that He was with me in that room when I did that, and He was saying to me “don’t do it.” And I didn’t listen.
Healing After Abortion
DeVanuia thought she wouldn’t be able to recover from her past abortions. But she found healing and redemption in a place she never thought she would.
If you’ve walked through the pain of an abortion, you are not alone. We understand what you may be feeling. The Pregnancy Network’s Abortion Recovery program is designed to create a safe space for women to find healing.
Come meet with a group, or one-on-one, to talk openly about choosing to heal from your experience. Abortion Recovery will help you work through the difficulties and tensions you may be facing after having an abortion. To get started, give us a call at 336-274-4881 or email appointment@thepregnancynetwork.org.
You Deserve to Be Fully Informed
If you’re unexpectedly pregnant, at your free appointment we’ll review your three options – parenting, adoption, or abortion. Because we care about your health, we do not perform or refer for abortions; however, at your appointment we’ll review the different types of abortion procedures and the risks associated with each. Before making an irreversible decision about your pregnancy, you owe it to yourself to be fully informed about your options and the resources available. Make an appointment today – we’re here for you.