'My Dear Grimtooth': The Dark Reality of Abortion • The Pregnancy Network

‘My Dear Grimtooth’: The Dark Reality of Abortion

The following article is satire and imitates the style and genre created by C.S. Lewis in his novel, The Screwtape Letters. This article imagines what a senior demon might say to a junior demon regarding the issue of abortion. 

My dear Grimtooth,

It is evident that you have made great strides with your patient, but I would be remiss if I did not extend great caution—especially considering the current state of affairs. Your Quadrant has grown lazy as of late regarding those unborn vermin. Rest assured, I’ve arranged a meeting with your Quadrant Commander and Our Father Below. Suffice it to say, there may be a position opening in the coming days. Your diligence with your miscreant of a patient could mean a promotion—so make good use of every opportunity, and ensure that the days are, in fact, quite evil.

Now regarding your patient and his newfound awareness of those wretched “image bearers” (even writing those words brings bile to my throat)—you must tread carefully. I am disappointed that you’ve failed to keep his eyes shut to the reality of abortion (which, as you well know, is Our Father’s greatest triumph). However, the blame is not entirely yours. As I mentioned, the laziness of your fellow workers has resulted in a disgusting resolve of the Enemy’s followers to bring an end to our collection of those unborn sacrifices.

At first, their pitiful attempts at “protecting” life were mildly annoying, perhaps even entertaining. Nothing is so laughable as the Enemy’s followers attempting anything without actually going to the Enemy for help. But ever since they began appealing to the Enemy for strength and wisdom, well…Our Father Below began to take notice.

So pay close attention, Grimtooth, because your patient is quite vulnerable. We need to make certain that our grip on this piece of his life remains strong.

It is my understanding that your patient began to feel “uneasy” about abortion when those despicable vermin from that pregnancy center spoke at his church, spewing all matter of putrid, vomit-inducing garbage about the Enemy’s purpose for every life and the responsibility to “protect the weak.” (It might interest you to know that Our Father Below has assembled a committee for the express purpose of exterminating these troublesome centers. If all goes as planned, these scenarios will soon be a thing of the past.)

At this point, we cannot make your patient forget what he heard. We can, however, capitalize on those uneasy, uncomfortable feelings that rise to the surface whenever he thinks of abortion. Your task, Grimtooth, is to convince him that those feelings are to be avoided at all cost. Convince him that the feelings are actually anxiety, and lead him down the gradual slope that has proven so effective for us: Tell him that anxiety, of course, is wrong—the Enemy himself said so—and after all, there is nothing that he can really do about all those numbers. (And yes, emphasize the numbers. Don’t let him realize that every number is an unborn face, a soul, an image-bearer that our Enemy wasted his time designing.)

Encourage your patient to avoid this uncomfortable topic. Remind your patient that he cannot change everything—so he may as well change nothing. We of course know this logic is riddled with holes. However, it proves effective with these humans time and again. They sincerely believe that abortion—and all manner of such triumphs—is only a result of evil men acting on their natural impulses. They are in complete denial that every one of our triumphs can only be so because “good” men like them refuse to do anything to stop them. Why the Enemy cares so for these miserable humans is a mystery to me.

Convince him that what he is doing—the way he votes, the way he nods emphatically during a sermon, or the number of “pro-life” articles he “Likes” (these humans astound me!)—is enough. And if he ever begins to suspect that merely identifying as “pro-life” on his social media profiles does not equate to radical obedience to the Enemy, just bring to the surface once again those same uncomfortable feelings I discussed before.

Here are a few additional suggestions should your patient begin to push past his uneasy feelings:

First, remind your patient that abortion is just one of many issues his pathetic world faces. There are much more pressing matters to attend to—such as the unplayed games on his Xbox. (This is particularly effective for men of his age. Don’t underestimate the power of mindless distraction. We’ve lured many a man through the gates of our kingdom not with acts of atrocities, but the slow, gradual draw of mind-numbing activities that whittle away the hours until they’ve forgotten that for which they were made.)

Next, tell him this fight is not his “calling.” These deplorable humans are obsessed with the idea of a calling. I am told the Enemy has placed this desire for purpose and meaning within every human. One of our great disadvantages is the wretched book He left for them. It explains everything, including the “calling” for which every man and woman is so desperate.

So of course you see the importance of keeping your patient’s oily nose out of that book. Rather, impress upon his mind the vague notion of a specific calling to “fight for the unborn”—and convince him that that calling does not exist upon his own life. Nevermind that the Enemy himself exercised a gross interest in the weak and oppressed. Nevermind that the Enemy’s meddlesome ways put legions of our kind out of work. Keep your man searching for writing on the wall or some sort of confirmation that he should do anything to protect our child sacrifices.

He won’t find it. And you know why, my dear Grimtooth? Because these miserable humans are experts at avoiding truth that makes them uncomfortable. They nearly do our jobs for us!

Now, in the event that your patient does in fact overcome his fears and insecurities regarding this matter—I can see you scoffing at the idea now, but check your pride, Grimtooth. I seem to remember a few patients you let the Enemy snatch from your self-proclaimed “impenetrable grip”—there are still ways to foil his attempts at helping the weak.

If your man does make up his mind to do something with regard to the value of life, make him focus on the abhorrent unborn only—so much so that he bears no compassion whatsoever for the very women who carry the unborn. Make him love the unborn but hate the mothers who dare entertain the very thought of abortion. Make your patient so radical for the “rights of the weak” that he becomes blind to the fact that he is alienating and rejecting the full-grown image bearers.

Rest assured, my dear Grimtooth—nothing will drive those nasty humans through the doors of an abortion clinic like the compassionless and condemning voices of so-called “pro-lifers.” If you can make your patient forget the mothers, we may gain more than just one sacrifice with each abortion. When a mother’s heart dies along with her never-to-be child—that is a victory.

Now the last thing I will address is of utmost importance, Grimtooth, so resist your inclination to skim through my words, as I know you’re prone to do.

It’s true, Our Father Below has a great stronghold on the yet to be born. He has managed to uphold the “high places” of old; the pleasing aroma of child sacrifice is his daily bread, and he’s worked tirelessly to maintain a steady influx of sustenance, if you will. It’s quite clever, really. You won’t catch an “enlightened” human condoning child sacrifice on an altar to a god. But when you wrap it in a prettier package and change the name of the altar—Choice, Empowerment, Feminism, Convenience—then the little hypocrites begin to sing a different tune.

Some of your unwise counterparts might dare to get cocky due to these facts, but I implore you to remember the events of history. We are in a war, dear Grimtooth. Need I remind you that every reprehensible unborn child is a heel to the head of Our Father Below? Each heartbeat is a reminder of the one wretched heartbeat that rendered us eternally defeated. Each newborn cry signals the arrival of another miserable “image bearer,” created for the sole purpose of drawing more attention and undeserved glory to our Enemy.

The humans have forgotten. They believe abortion is just one of many issues. But we know the truth—it is the issue. The Enemy’s preoccupation with using lowly and weak vessels for his purposes is sickening. From the first moment the Enemy made it clear he would use the birth of a child—of all things!—as a means to rescue his people, Our Father Below made our aim clear to us as well: Destroy them. Every. Last. One.

You of course know that we were unable, in the end, to stop the Enemy (it still pains me to acknowledge it). And so what is the next best thing? Simple. Make a mockery of the created, make a mockery of the Creator. Rip to pieces the image bearers, and rip to pieces the name of the Enemy.

And if we can make the Enemy’s own children apathetic toward the slaughter—all the better.

Guard your patient closely, Grimtooth. Apathy is your greatest weapon. Keep him comfortably complacent, and that someone-else-will-do-something attitude is sure to seep into every other aspect of his life. Because if your patient has no conviction about life itself, can he possess true conviction about anything else? Hardly. And that, my dear Grimtooth, is why abortion is arguably our greatest weapon.

Remain steadfast, Grimtooth, and the silent screams of the revolting image bearers will be sweet music to our ears for years to come.

Your affectionate mentor,


Mary Holloman is the Communications Coordinator at GPCC. You can find more of her work at maryholloman.com.